So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
