i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We're too hungover to prance.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
