so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
