I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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