Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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