one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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