I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
