she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
