Pappa wants mamma naked
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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