So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
