Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
