I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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