i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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