singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
