I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
