I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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