If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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