time to smoke my breakfast
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
