she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
