Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
