never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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