you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
