so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
