He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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