so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
