get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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