You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
