Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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