my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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