I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
