The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
