Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
