we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
