Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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