Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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