I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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