If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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