You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
