Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
