party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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