you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
