if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
