what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
