ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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