Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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