Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
