That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
