I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
