I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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