My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
