I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
