Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
